I had the WEIRDEST dream last night....
Okay, I was in Mike's house and I knew it was the first day that I got there. I went into the bathroom to take a shower but there was Mike's b rother Stuart, standing in a towel brushing his teeth or something. I remember just staring at him in fascination for a moment or two because he was just another bit of MIke's life that I'd never had anything to do with before.
Well since that bathroom was taken I went downstairs. The downstairs was very airy and light and cool, and there were five showers RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. Like, the kitchen and livingroom and everything else surrounded them. None of them were very good for privacy, either....
Just clear glass, or a clear plastic sheet, or a white sheet that didn't go down to the ground or something. Eventually I picked one that had a wall up to about my shoulders but no drape, so I started showering in that one. Then Mike's DAD popped up to chat with me! He just leaned on the wall and kept his eyes focused on my face, but I was blushing too hard and was too sort of, well, weirded out to really to focus on what he was saying. The dream soon enough ended, thankfully enough.
I might write something later, 'cause I'm in the mood. A story I mean.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Youth Convention
It's about time to put something up here about that. The band was a lot better this year than last, though we only sang like, 3 or 4 songs through the entire thing! Variety is the spice of life...
But yeah, convention was a lot better this year in general than last. NO GHETTO TWINKY THIGNS FOR THE WIN! That was just stupid. Though what they replaced it with wasn't a TON better. The skit was really open ended and cheesey, though I don't even want to think about how much time and effort and money people spent building those little sets.
Oh, and God told me Mike's gonna be a comforter and healer. I'm like, 'For the win!' 'cause I'm supposed to be a warrior. We're gonna have a classic tank/cleric relationship, for those of you who play MMOs.
I am very glad that I didn't stay for the all nighter after convention though. I think it would have totally crashed my entire school week, and that would be a bad thing. To be honest I thought that I probably would enjoy it when we go tback to the church and everything, but eh, common sense overruled me.
So anyway. Convention was good. The speaker was better than last year too, short and to the point and, well, a little bit random. It's all good. I don't like it when the sermons drag on and on.
Which is another reason that I like Youth Convention better than youth camp or whatever, winter retreat and stuff. At youth convention they have two days to make a huge impact on your life so everything's much more exciting. At winter retreat and stuff they can take their time to get to the really insane stuff, even though th ebands are usually better there.
But yeah, convention was a lot better this year in general than last. NO GHETTO TWINKY THIGNS FOR THE WIN! That was just stupid. Though what they replaced it with wasn't a TON better. The skit was really open ended and cheesey, though I don't even want to think about how much time and effort and money people spent building those little sets.
Oh, and God told me Mike's gonna be a comforter and healer. I'm like, 'For the win!' 'cause I'm supposed to be a warrior. We're gonna have a classic tank/cleric relationship, for those of you who play MMOs.
I am very glad that I didn't stay for the all nighter after convention though. I think it would have totally crashed my entire school week, and that would be a bad thing. To be honest I thought that I probably would enjoy it when we go tback to the church and everything, but eh, common sense overruled me.
So anyway. Convention was good. The speaker was better than last year too, short and to the point and, well, a little bit random. It's all good. I don't like it when the sermons drag on and on.
Which is another reason that I like Youth Convention better than youth camp or whatever, winter retreat and stuff. At youth convention they have two days to make a huge impact on your life so everything's much more exciting. At winter retreat and stuff they can take their time to get to the really insane stuff, even though th ebands are usually better there.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Dreams
They're so much fun. ^^ Most of the time anyway... I had one last night that I might as well write down before I forget, because I've already mentioned it to Mike and it'll be annoying if I can't remember enough to tell him about it when he comes home.
So, I was at this camp-ish sort of place. There was just a clearing in the middle of the woods, with a small shack that looked like an overgrown outhouse sort of thing that had a bed and a sink and a window at the back, facing out at the rest of the clearing. There was only one of these, and that was where I was staying. So it started getting darker and I went outside and started sort of poking around.
There was this odd wooden structure not far from my teeny little house (the bed barely fit). It looked like one of those things that you'd use to, I dunno, mount an elephant or something. It had a flat part that you could stand on and there was a ladder leading up to it. The platform was rectangular shaped and had a hole in the middle, so you walked around the edge and.... Not much. I didn't know why it was there, but I climbed up on it because I like climbing, and it was there. I was bored.
I looked out into the woods and saw a shape moving, and was quite horrified to find that it was some sort of HUGE wolf. It probably would have come up to my stomach and... Well it was just very thick and muscular looking. It didn't see me but it was sniffing arund the edges of thecamp, only just staying within the trees. I scrambled off of the wooden structure and bolted into my tiny house, closing the door and locking it. The window I made sure was locked as well, and pulled the blind. I spent a couple of moments in terror wondering if the wolf had heard the movements, because I highly doubted this was your usual timid, wild wolf.
The dream eventually shifted from me having locked myself into the little house (it can barely be called that, it was like a hotel room in the middle of the woods... And it was cold and drafty. It didn't feel safe, which was probably why I was so freaked out about the wolf. The thing was probably big enough to tear it apart if it wanted.)
Right, so after too many parenthesies, you've probably already forgotten the beginning of the sentance. Let's try again.
The dream eventually shifted from me having locked myself into the little house, to me having been locked inside it. I was sitting on the bed nervously at that point and stiffened when a man suddenly opened the door and looked down at me. A moment of silence passed before he explained why he'd locked me in, and unfortunately I forget what the reason was now.... Anyway, he said he'd lock me OUT of the little house if I didn't do whatever it was that he wanted, which was bad because the wolf was still prowling around somewhere. Only now it was day, so I'd have to go into the woods to really run into it.
Anyway, I tried to escape and after much running around and being chased, I followed this path to a HIGHWAY of all things, with the man still in pursuit. After awhile he gave up because there were too many people around and it looked bad, and he was tired. So that was that.
Then another dream started, but it was a lot more boring so nyeeh, it's not really worth telling. It involved Mike inviting some friends of his to my house to play this game called Warhammer. I don't play it but he does, and I was just sort of watching. He says it's boring to watch but I didn't think so in the dream. I had someone to cheer for.
So, I was at this camp-ish sort of place. There was just a clearing in the middle of the woods, with a small shack that looked like an overgrown outhouse sort of thing that had a bed and a sink and a window at the back, facing out at the rest of the clearing. There was only one of these, and that was where I was staying. So it started getting darker and I went outside and started sort of poking around.
There was this odd wooden structure not far from my teeny little house (the bed barely fit). It looked like one of those things that you'd use to, I dunno, mount an elephant or something. It had a flat part that you could stand on and there was a ladder leading up to it. The platform was rectangular shaped and had a hole in the middle, so you walked around the edge and.... Not much. I didn't know why it was there, but I climbed up on it because I like climbing, and it was there. I was bored.
I looked out into the woods and saw a shape moving, and was quite horrified to find that it was some sort of HUGE wolf. It probably would have come up to my stomach and... Well it was just very thick and muscular looking. It didn't see me but it was sniffing arund the edges of thecamp, only just staying within the trees. I scrambled off of the wooden structure and bolted into my tiny house, closing the door and locking it. The window I made sure was locked as well, and pulled the blind. I spent a couple of moments in terror wondering if the wolf had heard the movements, because I highly doubted this was your usual timid, wild wolf.
The dream eventually shifted from me having locked myself into the little house (it can barely be called that, it was like a hotel room in the middle of the woods... And it was cold and drafty. It didn't feel safe, which was probably why I was so freaked out about the wolf. The thing was probably big enough to tear it apart if it wanted.)
Right, so after too many parenthesies, you've probably already forgotten the beginning of the sentance. Let's try again.
The dream eventually shifted from me having locked myself into the little house, to me having been locked inside it. I was sitting on the bed nervously at that point and stiffened when a man suddenly opened the door and looked down at me. A moment of silence passed before he explained why he'd locked me in, and unfortunately I forget what the reason was now.... Anyway, he said he'd lock me OUT of the little house if I didn't do whatever it was that he wanted, which was bad because the wolf was still prowling around somewhere. Only now it was day, so I'd have to go into the woods to really run into it.
Anyway, I tried to escape and after much running around and being chased, I followed this path to a HIGHWAY of all things, with the man still in pursuit. After awhile he gave up because there were too many people around and it looked bad, and he was tired. So that was that.
Then another dream started, but it was a lot more boring so nyeeh, it's not really worth telling. It involved Mike inviting some friends of his to my house to play this game called Warhammer. I don't play it but he does, and I was just sort of watching. He says it's boring to watch but I didn't think so in the dream. I had someone to cheer for.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Co-op day
So yeah, co-op is the only kid based event that I've ever looked forward to going to after I turned ten. I've got some friends there, I like my classes, yadda yadda yadda. And it was Jake's birthday today. Huzzah! He turned 15. And he hugged me. It was sort of weird but nice.
And we do a dance class, okay? Now, there's this new kid in co-op and he's in the dance class with me, so when we rotated partners and I got with him, he wouldn't stop staring at me. It was totally creepy! Imagine me saying that in a high pitched girly voice. If you can't do it, you get the general idea. Like, eerie creepy. He has these really deep stare at your soul sort of brown eyes. As we switched off partners again he told me I danced better than everyone else, and it kind of stunned me. Thing is, he's like, 14. Very weird.
So that was my day. nothing particularly special. I think I've finally gotten mike back to a normal persn's schedual, maybe kinda sorta. He went t bed at ten tonight, that's better than usual.... I count myself lucky if I can get him to go away by 11. It's sort of funny, when he comes here his schedual is already half switched over... Jake likes Mike.
So the overall scheme of things hasn't been that bad. Co-op is fun. I look forward to it. Voila. And I think I finally discovered the main thing that makes me not like youth group that much!
It's just good clean fun. A place to go and be with other kids where you're not pressured or expected to have sex or do drugs. The sermon takes a back seat to that it seems like, so it's not very spiritually fulfilling, which is what I'm looking for. So there you have it I think.
It's also why I like youth convention so much. Very awesome stuff. :)
And we do a dance class, okay? Now, there's this new kid in co-op and he's in the dance class with me, so when we rotated partners and I got with him, he wouldn't stop staring at me. It was totally creepy! Imagine me saying that in a high pitched girly voice. If you can't do it, you get the general idea. Like, eerie creepy. He has these really deep stare at your soul sort of brown eyes. As we switched off partners again he told me I danced better than everyone else, and it kind of stunned me. Thing is, he's like, 14. Very weird.
So that was my day. nothing particularly special. I think I've finally gotten mike back to a normal persn's schedual, maybe kinda sorta. He went t bed at ten tonight, that's better than usual.... I count myself lucky if I can get him to go away by 11. It's sort of funny, when he comes here his schedual is already half switched over... Jake likes Mike.
So the overall scheme of things hasn't been that bad. Co-op is fun. I look forward to it. Voila. And I think I finally discovered the main thing that makes me not like youth group that much!
It's just good clean fun. A place to go and be with other kids where you're not pressured or expected to have sex or do drugs. The sermon takes a back seat to that it seems like, so it's not very spiritually fulfilling, which is what I'm looking for. So there you have it I think.
It's also why I like youth convention so much. Very awesome stuff. :)
Thursday, March 6, 2008
So yeah.
One of Mike's grandpas died a couple of days ago.
I think the sentance in my head and realize how increadibly impersonal it sounds. "He died."
The person didn't DO anything, they STOPPED doing something. It seems almost ludicrous to announce the fact in a sentance as simplistic and, I don't know, three year old as 'he died'. Anyone can say it and it's very hard to mean it, to get across the much more morbid connotation.
So for lack of a better, more emotional, more meaningful way of saying it, here goes.
"Mike's grandpa died of pneumonia."
Aaaand I cried. Like, a lot. Not hysterically, I just couldn't stop the tears. I've been so lonely these last few days that when Mike got back on and said his grandpa died it sort of put the acid flavored icing on the whole Fear Factor worthy cake. I've been sort of holding back tears since Friday I guess, and part of it was all just PMS. Thank goodness that's over with, the cramps pale in comparison. There's painkillers for those.
Like I said, I've been really lonely lately. Mike hasn't been on a ton because he had a new video game, then he was traveling to college and wasn't on at all for the couple of days he was there, and now he's back and gone again visiting relatives because of the death. It's just... Usually there's SOMEONE on the internet that I can chat with, but lately there's been NO ONE. It's entirely different when you're bored and want to talk and you just can't to when there's a bunch of people on and you just want to write a story on your own or something. So yeah, I've been depressed and my mom has bought me all sorts of stuff to make me feel better. Most of it's food.
When I get bored and lonely I eat like a pig, just for something to concentrate on.
So yeah, she bought me Nutella and avocados. Guacamole here I come! That's gonna be my lunch as soon as they ripen. Now that Mike's at least back at home I'm feeling better, I had my nice long cry when he told me his grandpa died. At the time I didn't know why, but since then I've decided it's because that's just another part of his life that I'll have never participated in. Another person who's known him but hasn't known me, a pretty big part of his life. The same will go for my own grandparents eventually, I think. I doubt their health'll permit them ever meeting Mike, not that they would approve anyway.
So now I'm just sort of on the mend, PMS finally being over and Mike finally being back. Now I have someone to chat with and stuff.
I think the sentance in my head and realize how increadibly impersonal it sounds. "He died."
The person didn't DO anything, they STOPPED doing something. It seems almost ludicrous to announce the fact in a sentance as simplistic and, I don't know, three year old as 'he died'. Anyone can say it and it's very hard to mean it, to get across the much more morbid connotation.
So for lack of a better, more emotional, more meaningful way of saying it, here goes.
"Mike's grandpa died of pneumonia."
Aaaand I cried. Like, a lot. Not hysterically, I just couldn't stop the tears. I've been so lonely these last few days that when Mike got back on and said his grandpa died it sort of put the acid flavored icing on the whole Fear Factor worthy cake. I've been sort of holding back tears since Friday I guess, and part of it was all just PMS. Thank goodness that's over with, the cramps pale in comparison. There's painkillers for those.
Like I said, I've been really lonely lately. Mike hasn't been on a ton because he had a new video game, then he was traveling to college and wasn't on at all for the couple of days he was there, and now he's back and gone again visiting relatives because of the death. It's just... Usually there's SOMEONE on the internet that I can chat with, but lately there's been NO ONE. It's entirely different when you're bored and want to talk and you just can't to when there's a bunch of people on and you just want to write a story on your own or something. So yeah, I've been depressed and my mom has bought me all sorts of stuff to make me feel better. Most of it's food.
When I get bored and lonely I eat like a pig, just for something to concentrate on.
So yeah, she bought me Nutella and avocados. Guacamole here I come! That's gonna be my lunch as soon as they ripen. Now that Mike's at least back at home I'm feeling better, I had my nice long cry when he told me his grandpa died. At the time I didn't know why, but since then I've decided it's because that's just another part of his life that I'll have never participated in. Another person who's known him but hasn't known me, a pretty big part of his life. The same will go for my own grandparents eventually, I think. I doubt their health'll permit them ever meeting Mike, not that they would approve anyway.
So now I'm just sort of on the mend, PMS finally being over and Mike finally being back. Now I have someone to chat with and stuff.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Why Do People Always Ruin These Things?
My gosh, I was reading a perfectly fine internet novel when all of a sudden one of the characters turns into a lesbian. Not like she'd been hiding it, but all of a sudden, BAM, there she goes and she's off snogging with another woman. Come ON! Why do people have to ruin perfectly good stories with crap like that? It was a GOOD novel for heaven's sake! It had a unique take on magic and creatures and all of a sudden there she goes, the main character's lesbo.
The same thing goes for all those fanfictions that make the two most cherished male characters gay. I mean, what the HELL is with all this Remus/Sirius stuff in the Harry Potter things? COME ONE! Harry/Dumbledore? Don't make me sick. You have no right to go off and screw around with the characters' personalities. It just seems like everything you stumble across on the internet now involves homosexuality on a ridiculous level, like the webcomics Misfile and Cutewendy. Both perfectly fine, especially Misfile, but then off the author goes. What is with this FETISH the world has with homosexuals?
This stuff goes for roleplaying too. Yaoi is gay and Yuri is lesbian, and it's VERY hard to find a person that's not totally turned on by slutty lesbian sex. There is SOMETHING wrong with this picture!
The same thing goes for all those fanfictions that make the two most cherished male characters gay. I mean, what the HELL is with all this Remus/Sirius stuff in the Harry Potter things? COME ONE! Harry/Dumbledore? Don't make me sick. You have no right to go off and screw around with the characters' personalities. It just seems like everything you stumble across on the internet now involves homosexuality on a ridiculous level, like the webcomics Misfile and Cutewendy. Both perfectly fine, especially Misfile, but then off the author goes. What is with this FETISH the world has with homosexuals?
This stuff goes for roleplaying too. Yaoi is gay and Yuri is lesbian, and it's VERY hard to find a person that's not totally turned on by slutty lesbian sex. There is SOMETHING wrong with this picture!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Bleck
I'm feeling rather depressed and lonely at the moment actually. It's small groups tonight and Lindsay couldn't come, so I have no one to talk to. And Mike is obviously in bed.
So yeah, the fight with Kelly. I sort of regret bursting out with, "What's that look for? We're getting married!" I'm totally stunned that I even said that. PMS for you. I shouldn't have gone, it was against all common sense. But I don't get any support from Kelly about my relationship with Mike at ALL! She's just always ready to correct! She's pulled me aside both times we came back from a youth trip to an amusement park and told me that Mike was clinging to me too much.
If you had your boyfriend/husband two weeks out of the year 14 days out of 365 days a year, wouldn't you let him do what he wanted? I mean, not going as far as sex, but to be honest him holding my hand or having his arm around my waist is one heck of a lot more comfortable than all out cuddling.
My mom says that me and Kelly read way too much in eachothers' faces, and we probably do. But we both sort of wear our hearts on our sleeves and there's not a ton of wiggle room as far as interpretation is concerned. I liked Kelly much more when she didn't hug me and everything. I do like the other chick youth leader, Nicole, though. She's pretty nice. It's just, they're all trying so HARD and it just doesn't work. I like Pastor Eric too, but... Liking him isn't worth going to youth group. And I do sort of wish we'd have a structured sunday school lesson isntead of just chatting. It's so unfulfilling, I leave feeling like I've wasted my time.
Needless to say I'm really missing Mike right now and can't wait for the next 4 months to pass. It seems like forever.
So yeah, the fight with Kelly. I sort of regret bursting out with, "What's that look for? We're getting married!" I'm totally stunned that I even said that. PMS for you. I shouldn't have gone, it was against all common sense. But I don't get any support from Kelly about my relationship with Mike at ALL! She's just always ready to correct! She's pulled me aside both times we came back from a youth trip to an amusement park and told me that Mike was clinging to me too much.
If you had your boyfriend/husband two weeks out of the year 14 days out of 365 days a year, wouldn't you let him do what he wanted? I mean, not going as far as sex, but to be honest him holding my hand or having his arm around my waist is one heck of a lot more comfortable than all out cuddling.
My mom says that me and Kelly read way too much in eachothers' faces, and we probably do. But we both sort of wear our hearts on our sleeves and there's not a ton of wiggle room as far as interpretation is concerned. I liked Kelly much more when she didn't hug me and everything. I do like the other chick youth leader, Nicole, though. She's pretty nice. It's just, they're all trying so HARD and it just doesn't work. I like Pastor Eric too, but... Liking him isn't worth going to youth group. And I do sort of wish we'd have a structured sunday school lesson isntead of just chatting. It's so unfulfilling, I leave feeling like I've wasted my time.
Needless to say I'm really missing Mike right now and can't wait for the next 4 months to pass. It seems like forever.
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